Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
