Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I need to align my fucking chakras
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
