Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
