you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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