She is in my trunk
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
