these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
