you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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