I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
