God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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