I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i dont even know how to be here
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
