And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
