I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
