But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
