he wants to bone in the snuggie
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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