Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
