...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
We need a shit load of segways right now
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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