I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
