Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
