Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
How external is "for external use only"?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
