If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
