glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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