We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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