I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
