margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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