sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
