omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
