He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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