Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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