walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
