i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
