He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
