So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
