Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
