I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
