Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
