Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
