He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
