when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
