He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
