If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
