She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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