i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
