she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I want a musical about memes.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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