Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
