i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
