I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
