Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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