Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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