you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
