I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
