she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I had to cum in my sink.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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