I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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