Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
